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What to do now that you have a teen?

Author

Daniel Polehn
October 02, 2023

Here is some of the best advice about parenting teenagers I found when I asked on X.

Be the example

The ultimate goal of parenting is to raise children into adults. This is more true than ever during the teen years.

At this age, “do as I say, not as I do”, isn’t going to cut it. You need to show them the kind of life you wish for them in adulthood. Showing what fruitful living looks like is what Fathering Up is all about.

This means taking our health and well being seriously. Start that fitness routine you’ve been putting off, finally get out of debt or leave that stressful job. Make the kinds of decisions you’d like to see your children making in adulthood.

A good rule of thumb is to ask “What advice would I give my future adult child?”

This is not only a good way to think about what behaviour you want to model but is a way to practice self compassion and care. If you wouldn’t want our child to stay in a job they hate, why should you?

Listen

A lot of raising adults is gradually shifting from boss to coach. Listen to your kids. Actively. Seek to understand their struggles. Ask thought provoking questions

Help them find the answers they already have inside themselves. You are there for guidance, but ultimately it is up to them to decide what to do. Before you know it they will be out on their own. You aren’t going to be there to guide their decisions. Help them practice critical thinking and decision making now.

Most importantly just listen. You want to have a trusting relationship with your children into adulthood. Letting them know you can listen to their problems without being dismissive or judgemental will go a long way.

Keep going: It’s hard to imagine the time between 13 and adulthood is only 5 years. When you reflect back the past 13 the years have flown by.

Parenting is a continuum. Things aren’t dramatically different than they were a few weeks ago, before my daughter was a teen. However, it’s good to pause and reflect on the ultimate aim of parenting and how best to get there.

So ask yourself:

  • What do I need to change to better model living a good life?

  • How can I be a more active listener?

That’s it for now. If you have other advice on navigating the teen years or questions for me, I’d love to from you.