Why does my teenager hate me?

Teenagers! Am I right? Such jerks.

It’s not you. It’s them.

Well, maybe it is you sometimes.

In fact, I guarantee you screw up on occasion. (If you don't, teach me your secrets). But if you're reading this, I assume you strive to be the best parent you can be.

Here’s the thing: no matter how awesome you are, your teenager is going to push you away at times. Even if you’re the coolest hippest dad that ever lived or you love the same music and have the same hobbies as your teen, they’re going to act like they don’t like you. In fact they might push away even harder when you are similar.

The older your kids get the more they are going to “individuate”. They need to establishing themselves as individuals, as independent persons. This is a good and beautiful thing. The problem is we parents are the ones they are most desperately trying to individuate from.

We are the most important people they need to prove to themselves and the world that they are not.

There’s a lot to be said about this process. But the most important thing is, it’s perfectly normal for this to be an emotional and conflict filled time in your house. You can do your best not to make a bad situation worse, but conflict is unavoidable at this stage.

Your kid is going to be a massive jerk sometimes. You don’t need to passively let them get away with it, but knowing that hard times will come helps you keep your cool when they do.

Keep on truck’n my friends.

Talk to you again tomorrow.

-Daniel Otto Spencer Polehn