Toxic Influence

What influences our thought life?

Think back: As a child you were probably discouraged from watching certain shows or movies. It might have seemed overbearing, but there is something to protecting the mind from toxic influence.

I was recently listening to a podcast with Atomic Habits author James Clear. In it he said that the information we consume is like food for our thoughts. Consuming high quality information leads to high quality thoughts. The same is true if we consume a bunch of junk. Negative inputs leads to negative thoughts.

There are two major sources of negative inputs in our thought life, the media we consume and our relationships.

Relationships

As humans the quality of our relationships can make or break us.

We are social creatures. We develop a strong sense of meaning and purpose from our relationships.

When our relationships suffer, when we are surrounded by people who drag us down our life suffers in every way. This can range from people who just a drag us down to outright abuse.

Negativity is contagious.

In the work place

Studies find that negative emotions in the workplace spread from person to person like a virus. In a free market why choose to be freely subjected to negativity for most of your waking hours.

It can be scary to find a new job. So can spending decades working with the same jerks day after day. You become like those you spend your time with. Choose wisely.

In the rest of life

The more transactional a relationship the easier and more practical it is to simply end the relationship. Outside of the workplace, relationships become less transactional

There is a saying that you are the average of the five people you spend time with the most. Look around at who you’re spending your time with.

How do they see the world?

• Is it dark and bleak with no hope for the future?

• Is everyone out to get them?

• Are they powerless?

• Envious of others?

Or do they:

• Take responsibility for their own lives?

• Recognize that the world is both imperfect and beautiful?

• Assume the best of others?

• Celebrate the success of others?

Who do you want to be? Surround yourself with people like that.

Family

It’s not always best to completely cut ourselves off from negative people.

Sometimes it’s completely impractical. If it’s a spouse, parent or child maintaining the relationship is more important.

You need to be the strong rock for them to lean on, but you don’t need to go down into the depths of despair with them. You can’t be that for them unless you are taking care of yourself.

Media

Traditional

Both traditional and social media can be toxic.

Traditional media feeds on our collective fears. The 24 hour news cycle is designed to keep us glued to screens waiting for the world to end. Talking heads stoke our hatred of enemies, real and imagined. Crime in your city and war abroad gets us glued to our screens. Instead of helping us love our neighbors near and far the “news” cycle teaches us to fear them.

Even the more innocent and entertaining forms of traditional media like sitcoms and reality TV portray unrealistic lifestyles. The TV family lives in a home that is rarely ever cluttered and messy. The young lady from Minnesota has 24 beefy guys all vying for her attention and “protecting her heart”.

Reality is of course nothing like that. Comparing our lives to what is seen on TV and in movies is a recipe for despair.

Social

Social media can lead to having unrealistic expectations for ourselves.

Mom bloggers of yore promoting home school, not vaccinating your kids, having the perfect meal plan and chore chart. Fitness gurus on Twitter telling you you need to take ice baths, sauna daily and never take a day off. It’s easy to get caught in the comparison trap. Our decision making gets clouded thinking about what people on social media want to see.

At its worse social media is like the 24 hour news cycle on steroids. Conspiracy theories run rampant. Internal factions don’t even pretend to have any respect for one another, hurtling insults and threats. It can be enough to make you lose hope in democracy and humanity as a whole.

Consuming this “content” we develop very one dimensional views of who we are. Becoming obsessed with our identities, hobbies or politics. In reality we are all complex humans with multiple aspects. If we go beneath the labels we find that we are more similar and connected than we are distinct and separate.

What to do:

• Disengage. You don’t need to consume everything that comes out. You don’t need to stay up to date on the latest news every day of the week. Take intentional time away. Your social media feed will be there when you log back in.

• Keep your eyes open. Whether it’s a news channel or algorithm, remember you are the product being sold to advertisers. These companies know how to grab attention. Stay aware, don’t get sucked in.

• Create. Don’t simply consume. As a creator you are more autonomous. You can create the message you want to see in the world.

• Be real. Have real relationships with real people you experience in the real world. Find people in your town or neighborhood who enjoy the same hobbies and interests as you. Start a running club, a coffee clutch, bible study. Find some excuse to get together with people.

What’s Next?

In the next newsletter I’ll share about one of the biggest time wasters of all: Meetings.

For training. Now that I don’t have a race coming up for a while I’m focused on just consistently getting training all three triathlon sports.

Something worth sharing

Alistair Brownlee had a “near miss” this weekend as a distracted pedestrian walked onto the run course at the PTO European Open.

Reminder: Keep your head out of your phone and maintain some situational awareness.