There's no replacing dad

Rejection.

It’s a perfectly normal feeling to have during divorce. There are obvious reasons for this. You know someone is one day going to replace you in that relationship.

As a dad going through divorce, I not only had fears of being replaced as a husband, but also as a father.

What happens when my ex finds a boyfriend? Will my kids like him better? Will they want to spend time with him more than me? WIll he be cooler than me? How about if she gets married? WIll they start calling him dad?

All these thoughts swirled around my mind. They still do from time to time. The fear of being replaced as a husband turns into the fear of being rejecting by your kids.

Those fears were eventually tested. When my kids met “the new guy” for the first time, I wasn’t sure what to expect. It became clear quickly, they were not impressed. “If both my parents start dating it will be miserable.”

So it was safe to say I didn’t feel worried about being replaced for a while after that. However, what will happen if my ex wife finds some genuinely great guy? A guy I could even learn to like?

I don’t know. I expect I will feel all kinds of things. Anger and jealousy the primary emotions among them.

However, focusing on what may happen is no way to live. No need to be “spinning out about things that haven’t happened”.

The focus must shift off an eventual him to me and my kids. How can I build an irreplaceable relationship with them?

To me this means finding ways to connect meaningful with each of them individually, and build sturdy family culture

Intentional time one on one with each kid and being fully present with them goes a long way.

I still wonder what it will be like to be faced with a new man in the picture. A new regular male presence in my kids’ lives would be a huge change. I don’t expect it to be a pleasant experience. When the time comes I want to be confident, no matter what you can’t replace dad.

The takeaway: A solid relationship with your kids cannot be replaced. Don’t let fears and worries about being rejected prevent you from expressing your love for your kids today.

You don’t have to wait for a crisis like divorce to start building that irreplaceable dad relationship with your kids.