A tale of two separations

Nine years ago my marriage began to fall apart. I won’t share too many details. It’s enough to say that it was one of the most difficult periods of my life. I haven’t experienced anguish like that before or since. Those emotions are welling up just typing this.

Through that process my heart became hard. I was getting all kinds of advice. Lawyer up. Kick her out of the house. Hide your assets. Don’t give an inch on anything, especially with the kids.

I did most of these things. I did whatever I could to paint her in a bad light and make myself look like the innocent victim.

My wife had become my enemy. I was going to do everything in my power to fight my enemy.

A story for a different time, but my wife and I reconciled after that difficult separation.

Fast forward to 2020 and a different set of circumstances led to a similar conclusion. This marriage was destined to fail and end in divorce.

But this time these words echoed loudly in my mind.

Whether my soon to be ex was my wife or my enemy the command from Jesus was the same. My job was to love her.

Enemy love is powerful. It flies in the face of how the world tells us to treat our enemies.

Things were significantly different this time. My emotional state was less erratic. I was confident in my decision to act out of love. We were able to work out an agreement without the need for legal mediation or hostility.

Most importantly my kids saw two adults who, despite many differences and disagreements, weren’t out to hurt each other but were looking out for the best interests of all involved.

What is good for my ex-wife is good for my children. Their legacy matters more than me “winning” again my “enemy”.

Think about it: What’s your most difficult relationship right now? Do you see that person as your enemy?

In prayer or meditation, take some time to develop compassion, empathy, understanding and even love fro that person. See how it changes you.