We need each other

Yesterday was All Saints Sunday.

It’s a time to remember those who passed on before us, in the faith. To recall those who we looked up to who are no longer with us. And to remember that we too are saints.

At my church we light a candle for each of the deceased we are remembering. A bell is rang with each candle lit. It is a simple but impactful ritual.

It is a time to collectively grieve losses. We express the lingering grief that does not go away when the funeral is over. We hold the memories of those who have shaped our lives in the past.

We hold each other’s grief. We acknowledge it and share in it.

We do this in community.

What I want to focus on today isn’t theology or remembering our deceased loved ones necessarily. But the benefits of having a community.

We need each other on the path of life. We will all have our struggles. When someone is there to help pick us up we will recover quicker and easier. Those who have gone before us can help show us the path. They can give us warnings about where to turn at those forks in the road.

In community we also have the opportunity to pick others up and be a guide.

As fathers we are not meant to go it alone. Child rearing is hard. Being a husband is hard. Co-parenting is hard. Raisting toddlers is hard. Raising teens is hard. No matter what your situation as a father, you could use support.

A well rounded fatherhood support network has three types of dads:

• The veteran

• The brothers

• The noobie

The veteran is a man who’s parenting longer than you. Someone you look up to as a role model. Someone you can ask questions of, observe. Someone to learn from.

Your brothers are those that are at a similar stage as you. These are the guys that your walking along the path of life with. When you are struggling with knowing the best way to handle a problem in your family, these are the guys who will help you talk it through and vice versa. Often, simply knowing you aren’t going it alone is extremely helpful.

The noobie is the guy who is a little behind you as a parent. Think about that dad with a newborn. He’s up all night. He’s perpetually tired. He’s taking on as much responsibility at home as he can handle on top of his job. He’s burnt out and trying to protect his wife from burn out (it’s hard on both parents but will almost always be harder on mom). You can assure this guy that what he is going through is normal and temporary. There is light at the end of the tunnel.

Look around at the people in your life. Who do you see filling each of these roles?

Be thankful for them.

Are any of these elements of community lacking in your life?

Find ways to make those new connections.

I want to hear from you:

What are some of the struggles you’ve had finding community?
What are of the benefits you’ve seen in having community as a father?