What nearly a year off alcohol has taught me.

For Advent I’ve been doing a simple candle lighting and scripture reading with my kids.

Early in the season scripture reading was about the angel visiting for Zecharia about his son, the one we’d later know as John the Baptist.

Here’s part of it.

To which my son pipes up “That’s me, I’m never going to drink wine.”

It’s just the latest illustration of something that has been going on in my house. The last time I drank any “wine or strong drink” was the Eve of New Years 2023 and I’ve been open with my kids about choosing not to drink.  My son in particular has latched on to the idea.  He’s encouraged me to continue.  He understands that alcohol is poisonous for the body and mind. 

I wouldn’t have ever called my drinking a “problem” but, taking nearly a year off has revealed a few things.  I was drinking as a low quality coping mechanism.  I’d drink when I was stressed.  I’d drink to “be more fun”.  I’d drink because I was bored.  I drank because I was sad and sometimes wanted to feel sadder.

Now I’m not going to use the above bible passage to demonize alcohol.  After all, Jesus “came eating and drinking” and John was “unworthy to untie his sandals”.  John is John and Jesus is the Christ.  So, thinking you are spiritually superior for not drinking is a fallacy.

But as my heart is turned towards my children, I realize why it’s important for me to continue with this experiment of an alcohol free life.

I want my children to know:

• There are better ways to cope with stress

• I can tolerate being around them without alcohol

• They don’t need alcohol to have fun, make friends or celebrate.

If you look around at “adult” society you won’t see this message on display.  You’ll rarely see a party without alcohol flowing.  You’ll hear things about alcohol like, it’s a social lubricant, the only way you would ever sing karaoke or dance in public. It’s a stress reliever. 

Being the “two beers a night” guy to take the edge off is considered just fine.

The stress alcohol is meant to relieve us from includes our children

I’ll admit, this title makes me laugh (dark humor, sorry).  But, it’s not a message I want my children to grow up hearing or believing.

If we simply let the “normal” messages of society be the only voice our children hear, it will be that adulthood means alcohol consumption.  

When I decided to knock my drinking down a peg, I told myself I’d wait until Thanksgiving.  I didn’t want to “ruin” the holidays by restricting myself.  It’s a time to “eat, drink and be merry” after all.  But, the truth is, the holidays are the time I usually let myself overindulge.  I better walk to a Holiday party, because I shouldn’t drive home when I was done.

As Thanksgiving got closer and I reflected on the reasons I drank, and all the more reasons I had not to drink, I realized I needed to get through the season without alcohol.  I needed to prove that alcohol was not necessary to enjoy friends and family.

Our children model the behavior they see.  They need to see a healthy relationship with alcohol.  For some of us that means abstinence.  I hate to admit it, but I may be one of those people.  At least at this present moment, this life stage.  Alcohol is too easy a crutch and my kids need to see me walk tall.