Don't do it just for the kids.

“I want my kids to learn about God”

Parents who grew up in church going families but fell out of the habit as adults often find themselves in a predicament.

These parents want their kids to learn good morals.  They want them to learn the same stories they did, passed down for centuries. They see the value in their kids going to church, having Sunday school teachers, youth groups, the works.

But, a lot parents don’t really want to go to church themselves.  They feel obligated as a parent or pressured to pass on the faith of their family. Noble reasons,  perhaps, but not motivation enough to get the kids ready on an otherwise lazy Sunday morning.

Last weekend, I had a conversation that went deeper on this than most.  A young dad, a believer, wants to pass his faith along to his children. But he finds the church he grew up in distastefully cliquish and the mega churches he’s currently surrounded by grotesquely business-like.

I can sympathize.  Much of the church in America feels like an offshoot of the entertainment industry.  An easy formulaic gospel is proclaimed.  Anti-intellectualism runs rampant.  Politics and religion are so intertwined as to be inseparable in the minds of many.  Enormous buildings are constructed. The rich serve the rich and no one gets fed.

So, what’s a father like this to do?

My only advice: don’t do it for the kids.  If you’re going to go to church, do it for yourself (and your wife).  Find a place that helps you grow spiritually.  A church that encourages spiritual practices, serving others and challenges your unhealthy beliefs will do you more good than the church with the most dope praise band and best children's programs.

I have found this in a liturgical, traditional yet theologically liberal church.  That’s not the prescription for everyone, but I find it both spiritually enriching and intellectually challenging.  The praise band is an organ and the congregation.  The children’s programs are next to non-existent.

It’s not a place designed to entertain children and I don’t force them to go.

Now, do I worry that I will fail to pass on my values and my faith to my kids?

Yes.

But, it’s only because I am not shoving it down their throats, or making it easy to swallow with a rock band and light show.

As Christians our only hope is in the Holy Spirit to move any other human towards a knowledge of God. This is true, even for our own children.

I can help guide the way, but none of us can force it.  Our attempts to do so often cause more harm than good.

Our children will get much more out of watching us explore our own faith and spirituality than they ever will from a perfect Sunday School curriculum.

A spiritually healthy father is a better father.  And that’s what our children need.