Co-parenting tip: Be flexible

I want to highlight a conversation I recently had with my ex wife that went something like this:

Ex-Wife: Hey, is it OK if I have the kids <X date>? We’re talking about doing <Y important / fun family occasion> and really want the kids to be there.

Daniel Otto Spencer Polehn: That works for me. Let’s just make sure to switch around another day.

Ex-Wife: Awesome! Thanks you!

Now, this hopefully looks like a normal conversation between two grown adults and a dumb thing to write about. But I think there’s something notable there. There are horror stories of parents co-parenting (aka parenting after divorce), who make a bad situation a lot worse by never being flexible. They want their time with the kids to be their time with the kid and don’t want to budge in any direction.

Parents have reasons they might act like this but it’s usually fear based. Any time you “give up” with the kids might be perceived as a lack of love or perhaps they’re worried that the ex will somehow try to use this against them later.

Unless your ex is a total sociopath (which, no matter what you think, they probably aren’t), there’s nothing to lose from switching a few days so everyone can have a little more fun or a special moment with family.

Switching around days isn’t the only way to be flexible. Sometimes you can make everyone’s lives a lot easier by being the one to take a child to an appointment when it isn’t “your day”. Or make everyone’s day more fun by letting your ex take one of the kids out for some special one on one time when it is .

Anything you can do to make life a little easier and more enjoyable when trying to co-parent is a huge win.
One of the best places to start is by being flexible.

There’s my little wisdom nugget for they day.
If you have some co-parenting horror stories, I want to hear them.

Until tomorrow
- Daniel Otto Spencer Polehn