Children are not clones

Author

Daniel Polehn
June 26, 2023

Your children are not little clones of you.

I know that statement seems obvious, but we could all use some reminding.

I often want so badly to see my kids love the same things I do.

The same music. The same movies. The same hobbies.

I’d love to run a marathon with one of my kids when they’re older or help them train for their first triathlon. But, who’s to say that is something any of them will be interested in.

They are their own people with their own thoughts.

It is incredibly easy to project yourself onto your children. To get your self worth from them. To define success for them. To define your success by what they accomplish.

There is a better path.

Define success as a parent by helping your child uncover what they love to do. Point out what you see sparks joy in them. When your daughter has drawn the 59th cat this month, point our how much better it was than the 11th. Show her her progress. Make it clear that you value things that bring her joy.

This doesn’t mean neglecting your own goals and interests. Far from it.

I’ve seen parents become so caught up in their kids athletic success, making that their identity that they fail to do much about their own fitness. Don’t let this be you. Find your own passions and pursue them. 

Demonstrate to your kids what it means to be an adult who can love yourself and show love to others.

On children

And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, Speak to us of Children.
And he said:
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.

Kahlil Gibran

Something worth sharing.

Speaking of raising children: I was recently interviewed for the first episode of the “Dad Fit” podcast. In it we discuss how I initial got involved with endurance sports and other general fitness and life topics.

Give it a listen.