Building the "House of Dad"

If you read last week’s email, you hopefully remember the five areas of life I used to create a 10 year vision

• Faith

• Fitness

• Finances

• Skills

• Legacy

I think of these as the building blocks for life as a father.  Put together, they form the “house of dad”.  Faith the foundation; Fitness, finances and skills the pillars and legacy the roof.

Let’s dig into each.

Faith is your spiritual or philosophical beliefs, mindset and practices.  It’s how you see yourself and the cosmos, the worldview that shapes your daily life.

Faith is deeply connected to trust.  To find where your faith lies, ask the question: What do you trust above all else?

Is it in your finances?  The government?  Yourself?  Or God?

As a Christian I believe my ideal answer is always God.  However, the smallest amount of self aware reflection would reveal that is not often the case.

Faith is the foundation. It is the ground on which the rest of life is built.  An unclear or shaky faith is an unstable foundation when times get tough.  It’s worth investing time and energy on understanding your spiritual life.

Fitness is your ability physically act in the world.  This is fundamental to the primal role of father as protector and provider.  You don’t need to be Chris Hemsworth, but your kids should know you can pick them up and carry them to safety.  As they grow older they need an example of how to stay healthy as in adulthood.

Pursuing a sport helps a lot here.  Our culture pulls us towards being sedentary and lazy.  You need to choose to be different.

Finances are the modern, less primal way to protect and provide for your family.

You probably picked up a lot of your thoughts and feelings about money from your parents unconsciously.  Example, if your parents had a scarcity mindset, it wouldn’t be unlikely you have some fears and anxiety about money.

I’m not saying you need to be rich.  But providing a stable financial life for your family will go a long way towards helping your children see money as simply a useful tool and forming a healthy relationship with it

Skills are things you know how to do.  I thought about calling this ”fixing”, because it’s really about the problems you know how to solve.  Fathers are fixers.

This can be as big as knowing how to build an addition onto a house or as small as putting together a meal when there is “nothing” in the fridge. It’s another way to provide for your family and pass along something of value to your kids.

Finally, Legacy is what you will be remembered for.  It’s what is left when all else fails and collapses.  Your body will deteriorate.   Your finances will dwindle.  

We’re all going to die one day and all we have will be passed on to someone else.  Not just our physical possessions and wealth, but also the memories of how we lived our lives will no longer be ours.

What will you choose to be remembered for?

Call me a freak — but I like to go to funerals.  It’s an opportunity to reflect on life and the different ways to live it.  There is a big difference between a small funeral, where everyone is just going through the motions and a funeral (big or small) where people really want to honor the dead.

The difference is connection.  You could be remembered for your massive squat PR, your big 401k or your ability to make a birdhouse out of a shoebox.  But not likely.  That’s all just window dressing for what your children will really remember you for — the connection you made and the love you shared with each other.

That’s enough about that.  But I want to leave you with a final question:

What areas are you struggling with as a father?

For me it’s faith and then skills. 

I’m unsure if my life truly aligns with what I claim to believe.  Share my faith with my kids is a challenge when the rest of the world seems to pull them away.

On a lighter note: if you saw my house right now, you’d know there’s a lot I need to fix

Feel free to reply with your response.  Happy to start up a conversation.

See you next Monday.